spiritual coma...

... not dead, not quite alive either... i guess the warning signs have been blaring all along but one just gets caught up in living (or not) and doing... busy with this and that and it never really ends. does it?

"one doesn't live by feelings!" how often i have told myself that. And others too. But feelings are put there to so we know what's going on... how often i have argued that if i stop serving i would just drift and get lost... and that it is the service that is keeping me on my toes... failing to see that it is the connection to the Vine that feeds and nourishes us that keeps us alive and fruitful... plus, i don't know how detrimental serving on empty really is to the work... "what's going to happen? how will they manage?" We need to remember that it is the Lord's work and He has His plans. He has also called for His disciples to "come aside... and rest awhile"



... rest... in... peace... :)

turbulence...

The past four weeks have been challenging for me, to say the least... i have experienced new emotions and feelings that are definitely firsts... although i am glad the worse is over (or so i hope), i also do not want to ever forget the pain and hurt... because it is only through this that i will learn (hopefully) to love more the One who hurt for me and keep myself from hurting others, to cherish the love that i posses and to work at developing and nurturing it...
I guess there comes a time in life where one has to take a step back and re-evaluate things... a shifting of ideals and principles and learning to see what is really important... it's really strange how one can be just going on in life and busy with so many things that i feel that everything's ok... until the warning lights blink and you suddenly realise that things aren't right and you've been living in oblivion all along...
And it's going to take a long and purposeful process to right the wrong (if possible) and get things back on course but i'm sure by God's grace that things will be for the better and with His enabling it will be to His glory...
The support, prayer and encouragement extended by friends and family have been tremendous and my heart is grateful...

oh let me never, never, abuse such dying love...

the One who came to woo His bride,
and gave His life to make her right;
O, how His heart must hurt and bleed,
when she refuses, His will to heed.

How sweet when she declares her love,
in total submission to Him above;
And rests content in His embrace,
and basks in the sunshine of His gaze.

6.9.13

the only constant is change.

what makes me, me and what makes you, you? i mean, what is the essence of who we are? we recognise each other by how we look, but looks can change no? if tomorrow i get into an accident and get disfigured, i do not cease to be me, do i? the person inside is still the same right? if i lose a limb and can no longer walk the way i used to, i'm still me right? so, what we are externally doesn't define who we really are... what does then? our character? our ideologies? our beliefs? our principles? our likes and dislikes? the skills we have or don't? the more i consider this, the more i am convinced that i am nothing but the past and present... everything i am can change... for better or worse (but who defines that?) then i'll be what i am not, but that will be what i am then... 

what?!




...for better, for worse?