Life changes

So much has happened since my last post. And my life has changed, forever. Things will never be the same again. Experiences in life make us who we are and some experiences cannot be undone. Love betrayed, love lost and watching my dad die from cancer. These things have changed me for life. Or at least I believe so, now. 

I do not wish to wallow in the past but the emotional trauma has left me cynical and unfeeling. Perhaps that prepared me better to deal with what I had to handle. And on nights like this, when I cannot sleep for memories of Pa wishing he could just die, I feel lost and insignificant. Sure, God has his purposes and I trust him completely. But I'm too weary to fight this battle at the moment.